Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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