I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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