Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
