doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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