So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
