I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
