I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
