he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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