i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
