ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
