I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
