I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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