Jerry, you need to find god
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
