Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
