shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
