that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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