Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
