cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
