i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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