Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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