update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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