i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Randomize
