I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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