I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
