And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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