There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
