Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
