That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
