he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Sex in the backyard? Check.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
