he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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