I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
