your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
