hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
