so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
