how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
