It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
