im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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