I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
