Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
