My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
