I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
