non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
