Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
