At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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