I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
