Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
