also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
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