good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
