1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
