Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
