four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
