i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
