My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
